“I’m not a prostitute, I live a normal life”
Sugar daters’ linguistic and practical relational work to separate sugar dating from prostitution
DOI:
https://doi.org/10.37062/sf.59.23746Keywords:
prostitution, sex work, transactional sex, sugar daddy relationships, sugar datingAbstract
Sugar dating is a by and large new and growing phenomenon within the sex and intimacy industry, centred on web sites tailored to facilitating the practice. The phenomenon overlaps significantly with prostitution but is marketed as something else. In this article, based on interviews with 15 “sugar babies” and 9 “sugar daddies” with experience of heterosexual sugar dating, we investigate the strategies that sugar daters use to demarcate their experiences from prostitution. We show that both the women and the men carry out a linguistic and practical “relational work” serving to dissociate sugar dating either from prostitution as such or from what the interview participants regarded as real prostitution. The relational work pivots around five central themes: how the compensation is labelled, how the compensation is carried out, the woman’s sexual voluntariness, mutual pleasure, and dating similarity. We contend that the interview participants’ distancing from prostitution may be interpreted not only as a way of fending off associations with a stigmatized practice, but also as an expression of the fact that the interview persons have charged conceptions of prostitution that they have difficulties aligning with their own experiences.
References
Attwood, F. (2006) ”Sexed up. Theorizing the sexualization of culture”, Sexualities 9(1):77– 94. https://doi.org/10.1177/1363460706053336
Bauman, Z. (2003) Liquid love. On the frailty of human bonds. Cambridge: Polity.
Beck, U. & E. Beck-Gernsheim (1995) The normal chaos of love. London: Polity.
Berger, E. (2018) ”Detta är sugardejting: ’Prostitution i lyxförpackning’”, https://www.svt.se/nyheter/granskning/ug/detta-ar-sugardejting-prostitution-i-lyxforpackning (hämtningsdatum 6 december 2021).
Bernstein, E. (2007a) ”Sex work for the middle classes”, Sexualities 10(4):473–488. https://doi.org/10.1177/1363460707080984
Bernstein, E. (2007b) Temporarily yours. Intimacy, authenticity, and the commerce of sex. Chicago: University of Chicago Press. https://doi.org/10.7208/9780226044620
Björk, F. (2018) ”Utredning om ’sugardating’ läggs ned”, https://www.svt.se/nyheter/lokalt/vast/utredning-om-sugardating-laggs-ned (hämtningsdatum 6 december 2021).
Bourdieu, P. (1979) La distinction. Critique social de jugement. Paris: Editions de Minuit.
Braun, V. & V. Clarke (2006) ”Using thematic analysis in psychology”, Qualitative Research in Psychology 3(2):77–101. https://doi.org/10.1191/1478088706qp063oa
Brents, B.G. & T. Sanders (2010) ”Mainstreaming the sex industry. Economic inclusion and social ambivalence”, Journal of Law and Society 37(1):40–60. https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1467-6478.2010.00494.x
Carbonero, M.A. & M. Gómez Garrido (2017) ”Being like your girlfriend. Authenticity and the shifting borders of intimacy in sex work”, Sociology 52(2):384–399. https://doi.org/10.1177/0038038516688609
Chu, C.S.K. (2018) Compensated dating. Buying and selling sex in cyberspace. London: Palgrave Macmillan. https://doi.org/10.1007/978-981-10-6974-1
Chu, C.S.K. & K.J. Laidler (2016) ”Becoming a male client of compensated dating”, Deviant Behavior 37(1):47–65. https://doi.org/10.1080/01639625.2014.983007
Cohen, E. (1996) Thai tourism. Hill tribes, islands and open-ended prostitution. Bangkok: White Lotus.
Deeks, L.E. (2013) ”A website by any other name. Sex, sugar, and Section 230”, Women’s Rights Law Reporter 34(4):245–281.
Giddens, A. (1995) Intimitetens omvandling. Sexualitet, kärlek och erotik i det moderna samhället. Nora: Nya Doxa.
Grönvall, Y., C. Holmström. & L. Plantin (2022) ”The construction of intimacy in long-term commercial relationships in Sweden”, Culture, Health & Sexuality 24(4):451–465. https://doi.org/10.1080/13691058.2020.1857844
Gunnarsson, L & S. Strid (2021) ”Varieties of sugar dating in Sweden. Content, compensation, motivations”, Social Problems. Nätpublicering. https://doi.org/10.1093/socpro/spab063
Gunnarsson, L & S. Strid (2022) ”Chemistry or service? Sugar daddies’ (re)quest for mutuality within the confines of commercial exchange”, Journal of Sex Research 59(3):309–320. https://doi.org.10.1080/00223399.2021.1952155
Hakim, C. (2010) ”Erotic capital”, European Sociological Review 26(5):499–518. https://doi.org/10.1093/esr/jcq014
Hallengren, L. (2019) Sugardaddies. En kvalitativ studie om erfarenheter av sugardating. Masteruppsats. Malmö: Malmö University Electronic Publishing.
Hier, A. (2017) ”More bang for the buck. Freaks and the intimate-sex-for-money license”, Southwestern Law Review 46(3):489–518.
Hulusjö, A. (2013) The multiplicities of prostitution experience. Narratives about power and resistance. Doktorsavhandling i socialt arbete. Malmö: Malmö högskola.
Illouz, E. (2007) Cold intimacies. The making of emotional capitalism. Cambridge: Polity.
Illouz, E. (2014) Därför gör kärlek ont. En sociologisk förklaring. Göteborg: Daidalos.
Illouz, E. (2020) Därför tar kärleken slut. De negativa relationernas sociologi. Göteborg: Daidalos.
Jonsson, S. & N. Jakobsson (2017) ”Is buying sex morally wrong? Comparing attitudes toward prostitution using individual-level data across eight Western European countries”, Women’s Studies International Forum 61:58–69. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.wsif.2016.12.007
Jämställdhetsmyndigheten (2021) ”Prostitution och människohandel”. Rapport 2021:23. Göteborg: Jämställdhetsmyndigheten. https://jamstalldhetsmyndigheten.se/media/impbhoid/rapport-prostitution-och-manniskohandel-2021-23-pdf.pdf (hämtningsdatum 4 mars 2022).
Ljungberg, H. (2021) ”’Normala’ kvinnor säljer sex? – normer och gråzoner i betald dejting”, 195–219 i A. de Cabo y Moreda, C. Holmström & J. Kousmanen (red.) Sex mot ersättning – säljare, köpare, makt och moral. Lund: Studentlitteratur.
Kaufman, C.E. & S.E. Stavrou (2004) ”’Bus fare please’. The economics of sex and gifts among young people in urban South Africa”, Culture, Health & Sexuality 6(5):377–391. https://doi.org/10.1080/13691050410001680492
Kuate-Defo, B. (2004) ”Young people’s relationships with sugar daddies and sugar mummies. What do we know and what do we need to know?”, African Journal of Reproductive Health 8(2):13–37. https://doi.org/10.2307/3583175
Medin, J. (2019) Thailandssvenskarna. Stockholm: Verbal.
Miller, A. (2011) ”Sugar dating. A new take on an old issue”, Buffalo Journal of Gender Law & Social Policy 20:33–68.
Milrod, C. & M.A. Monto (2012) ”The hobbyist and the girlfriend experience. Behaviors and preferences of male costumers of internet sexual service providers”, Deviant Behavior 33(10):792–810. https://doi.org/10.1080/01639625.2012.707502
Motyl, J. (2013) ”Trading sex for college tuition. How sugar daddy dating sites may be sugar coating prostitution”, Penn State Law Review 117(3):927–958.
Månsson, S.-A. (2019) Prostitution. Aktörerna, relationerna och omvärlden. Lund: Studentlitteratur.
Nayar, K.I. (2017) ”Sweetening the deal. Dating for compensation in the digital age”, Journal of Gender Studies 26(3):335–346. https://doi.org/10.1080/09589236.2016.1273101
Olsson, U. (2019) ”’Sugardejting’ en allt vanligare form av prostitution”, SvT Nyheter, 25 september, https://www.svt.se/nyheter/lokalt/varmland/sugardating-en-allt-vanligare-verksamhet (hämtningsdatum 6 december 2021).
Paulsen, R. (2010) Arbetssamhället. Hur arbetet överlevde teknologin. Lund: Gleerups.
Plummer, K. (2010) ”A round up of some recent books on prostitution and sex work”, Sexualities 13(3):394–400. https://doi.org/10.1177/1363460709364324
Regeringen (1995) ”Sammanfattning av betänkandet Könshandel”. SOU 1995:15. Stockholm: Socialdepartementet. https://data.riksdagen.se/fil/BDDB11F7-3335-4EEB-8658-3B5E4211801C (hämtningsdatum 9 december 2021).
Rouse, L. & A. Salter (2021) ”Cosplay on demand? Instagram, OnlyFans, and the gendered fantrepreneur”, Social Media+ Society 7(3). https://doi.org/10.1177/20563051211042397
Sanders, T. (2008) ”Male sexual scripts. Intimacy, sexuality and pleasure in the purchase of commercial sex”, Sociology 42(3):400–417. https://doi.org/10.1177/0038038508088833
Scull, M.T. (2020) ”’It’s its own thing’. A typology of interpersonal sugar relationship scripts”, Sociological Perspectives 63(1):135–158. https://doi.org/10.1177/0731121419875115
Scull, M.T. (2022) ”From seeking financialships to satisfying curiosity. Women’s motivations for entering sugar relationships”, Sexuality & Culture 26(1):222–248. https://doi.org/10.1007/s12119-021-09888-9
Swader, C.S. & I.D. Vorobeva (2015) ”Receiving gifts for sex in Moscow, Kyiv, and Minsk. A compensated dating survey”, Sexuality & Culture 19(2):321–348. https://doi.org/10.1007/s12119-014-9269-7
Tavory, I. & S. Timmermans (2014) Abductive analysis. Theorizing qualitative research. Chicago: The University of Chicago Press.
Upadhyay, S. (2021) ”Sugaring. Understanding the world of sugar daddies and sugar babies”, The Journal of Sex Research 58(6):775–784. https://doi.org/10.1080/00224499.2020.1867700
Wade, B. (2009) Seeking arrangement. The definitive guide to sugar daddy and mutually beneficial arrangements. San Francisco: Bush Street Press.
Wang Y. (2021) ”The twink next door, who also does porn. Networked intimacy in gay porn performers’ selfpresentation on social media”, Porn Studies 8(2):224–238, https://doi.org/10.1080/23268743.2020.1841019
Warhurst, C. & D. Nickson (2009) ”’Who’s got the look?’. Emotional, aesthetic and sexualized labour in interactive services”, Gender, Work & Organization 16(3):385–404. https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1468-0432.2009.00450.x
Zelizer, V.A. (2005) The purchase of intimacy. Princeton: Princeton University Press.
Downloads
Published
How to Cite
Issue
Section
License
Copyright (c) 2022 Authors
This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivatives 4.0 International License.
All content in Sociologisk Forskning is published with immediate open access, under the Creative Commons license CC BY-NC-ND 4.0.
All content may be read, downloaded, shared and printed for non-commercial purposes, free and without fees. Contents may not be altered. When content is reused, author, source and a link to the copyright licence must be provided. The author retains copyright to their content. No publication fees are charged.
